By Michael Lee, MA
If you are in a relationship, or have ever been in one, there is a 60% chance that you will experience or have experienced what it?s like to fail in that area of life.? Ok?. maybe ?fail? is a strong word and perhaps we should use the gentler term? ?experienced difficulty relating meaningfully?.? Either way, the experience generally sucks!? At one time you experienced the blissful feeling of being in love and at another time you?ve felt the devastation of feeling separated from that love. ? ?How does this happen so easily??, we might wonder?
Usually it begins with a failure to communicate. ? For whatever reason, one or both parties begin to withhold from the other in fully communicating.? This can be caused by any number of factors ? fear, laziness, infidelity, assuming too much, hurt, anger, irritation, in-laws, not feeling well, lack of privacy, stress, time pressures, work, and so on.
Good relationships depend heavily on good communication and spaciousness around that communication.? Take that away and it won?t take long for the rot to set in and it?s downhill from there. ? A great marriage coach I know says that a relationship has to be ?fit? just like our bodies need to be fit to stay healthy.? In order to make a relationship strong, both parties have to do some relationship workouts on a regular basis.? Often we don?t build enough time into lives to create some ?relationship muscle? with our partner.? So step one, is plan a time for a relationship workout.
Then do some exercises. ? My preferred ones often include a Mind-Body Approach.? To me, my body is my most reliable tool of communication.? It cannot tell me lies like my mind can and, if I?m open to it, can reveal so much and communicate so much in a very short time. ? Here is one of my favorite exercises for you to try that might help you build some muscle in your relationship.
This exercise is only for maintaining or strengthening an already functioning relationship. ?It is not intended as relationship therapy.
Sit on the floor facing your partner with your knees touching.? (Chairs can work fine too if you don?t like sitting on the floor).? Turn the palms of your hands to face each other and move them toward each others hands slowly.? Take some time.? Let the hands come close but not touching.? Hold them there for a few moments and breathe.? Close your eyes for a few breaths and just feel what is happening.? Right there, in the moment, ask yourself ?what is happening now??. ?Open your eyes and then draw your hands away from your partners.? Close your eyes again and focus.? Ask ?what?s happening now??.? ? Then open eyes and move hands towards each other slowly but this time allow them to touch. ? Close eyes and repeat the question. ? These three sequences should take about 5 minutes.? Don?t use a timer though, just sense the time and don?t worry if you are a little out of synch with your partner.? Just wait for him or her to get to the same place you are.
At the end of the exercise turn away from your partner and privately answer these questions for yourself.? ?What did I notice about myself at each stage of this experience??? ?What was I feeling??? ?What was I thinking??.
Then turn to your partner and share with each other your answers to your questions.? When your partner speaks, simply listen.? No conversation, no explanation, no questions,? ? just listen.
Then turn away again and ask yourself two more questions.? ?What did I learn about me??.? And ?What did I learn about my partner??. ?Turn and share your answers. ?Try it and see what happens!
Michael Lee MA, is the founder of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy.? ? His next scheduled weekend workshop is on Oct 19-21 at Yogaville ? a beautiful yoga retreat center in Virginia. No experience needed.? See Michael Lee?s Workshop at Yogaville, for details and for Michael?s bio. See also Michael?s weblog ?Turn Stress Into Bliss? and go here for information about Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy.
http://www.yogaville.org/products/the-phoenix-rising-workshop-yoga-with-a-different-twist/
Source: http://tantratolove.com/2012/09/relationship-working-work/
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